IF

by Kathy

If I had ever had a mother like I AM or if I had ever had a husband like I AM, would I be LIKE I AM?

Alex is my second son. He lives in Atlanta and works as a clerk in a store. I figure that he makes about $400 less than it takes for him to live a simple life.

If the boy had decided to live on the fringes of poverty, it looks as if God would have given Alex good eyesight. It wasn't the case. His myopia and astigmatism cause him to be almost blind.

He just called me. He has broken his pair of glasses near the nose shank that he says cannot be put together with a band aid. He had to call in sick because he could not see to drive. His back-up pair? Oh yes, he was wearing his back-up pair because his main pair broke a while back. During the time he was waiting for magical dust to do that repair, one of the lens disappeared. Maybe in Alex’s world there is a eye-glass fairy that comes in the night and fixes things that are essential for daily activities.

He called me to ask an innocent question? If his friend Brian comes over tonight and takes him to a vision center, can he get his glasses repaired and submit the bill later?

“Alex I don’t know anything about how your insurance works.”

But, I do know how to instantly don my red cape and spandex top that has a big “S” emblazoned on it which stands for SUPER MOM and I began in the twinkling of an eye to begin to problem solve for him. For instance, I know without a shadow of a doubt that the boy’s glasses' prescription is long out of date. I know that for the brand of prescription glasses he requires, an oculist can’t just grind out a new set as simply as ironing a wrinkled shirt. I know that new glasses for Alex will cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars.

“Alex, if you can just get to Huntsville, I can get this all fixed.”

Well maybe he can’t get to Huntsville this time and just maybe Mom doesn’t need to fix it this time.

Kathy is an associate member of the editorial staff."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kathy Albers,

Disclaimer: If this is the worst problem the young man ever has, I'll count myself lucky.

Kathy

Kathy, I feel for him, no matter how he got into the financial shape he's in. I share exactly that demanding prescription requirement for my own glasses.

Now, I am very, very careful with my glasses. I have a rule, principle*, that I always have at least one pair that are wire rims, because wire rims never break at the nose.

I also purchase glasses often enough, and keep the old ones without fail, so that I've always got glasses if I need to rely on backups for a period due to breakage.

I have found also that even the most bargain basement places will grind my glasses if I insist they get the optical centers where my pupils actually line up. Any of the VisionCare, ForEyes, or Glasses "ERR" US joints can do it. After all, they've got to put in a standard center for every pair of glasses they make.

Perhaps this will be a lesson for him? Perhaps he'll learn that wirerims are less breakable? Perhaps he'll learn that it's time to get his li'l ole self a better paying joblet?

In the meantime, Kathy you've got my sympathy. Alex too. After all, I know about that prescription for glasses. I know from legally blind without the lenses on my nose.

Maybe Alex should move to Minnesota, where the cost of living is high. Also, a MN CongressCritter, Michelle Bachman is sooooo proud that Minnesota has more people working 2 and 3 jobs than any other state.

Can you say the Pharoah in MN gets more work out of the serfs than other Republic Governators?

---

*Rules can be broken for good reason, whereas principles must never be broken, per President F. Roosevelt (I think)

Thanks, Lillibet. Somehow I think this might be a lesson learned "hard."

After all, as I heard today, "Life is journey; not a destination."

Kathy

DearKathy,

I don't know enough about Alex to make many comments. I hear almost nothing without my hearing aids. When both fail, frustration is extreme. He has to be awfully frustrated. Can he drive in that condition? Can he read?. Can the watch TV?. Will he be in danger of losing his job?. Does he have close friends that will help him overcome lonelyness? His condition appears to be in crisis. Can he handle crisis? Is he married? Does he live alone? Gosh, I feel for him. Does he have someone to comfort him.I hope there are mostly yeses.

Your friend Albert

quote:

don't know enough about Alex to make many comments. I hear almost nothing without my hearing aids. When both fail, frustration is extreme. He has to be awfully frustrated. Can he drive in that condition? Can he read?. Can the watch TV?. Will he be in danger of losing his job?. Does he have close friends that will help him overcome lonelyness? His condition appears to be in crisis. Can he handle crisis? Is he married? Does he live alone? Gosh, I feel for him. Does he have someone to comfort him.I hope there are mostly yeses.

Alex is very frustrated. He cannot see to do almost anything, especially not to drive.

He has a lot of friends and a lot more fortitude than I sometimes give him credit for.

He is not married and lives alone.

The one thing Alex has going for him is a strong work ethic and the fact that his employers and co-workers LOVE him. This young man has a "likeability " factor that is beyond belief.

I was so upset when he called. A fault of mine is that I rescue people that don't even want to be rescued.

Thank heavens for Valium. I took one and stepped back and recognized that -- short of driving to Atlanta and taking complete control of the situation, which I am not YET willing to do -- there is actually very little that I CAN do.

So, stay tuned....maybe we can turn Alex and his exploration to find spectacles into a latin soap series on TV.

But thank you for caring.

And please join in more often. I'm going to be sending you some reminders of morning conversations.



Kathy

I learned long ago that, for me, peace means having a back-up plan.

Alex never has back-up plans. Maybe this will be the experience that will help him formulate some.

Kathy

quote:

Originally posted by Kathy Albers:
I learned long ago that, for me, peace means having a back-up plan.

Alex never has back-up plans. Maybe this will be the experience that will help him formulate some.

Kathy

BRAVA Kathy!

I believe there is a corollary to "peace means having a back-up plan". "Good luck means never trusting all to good luck".

Good luck though, all things considered, to you and to Alex. It'll be a tough one, but it will all work out to the best for all concerned. Goes double for motorists and pedestrians that won't encounter Alex on the road without his glasses.

quote:

Good luck though, all things considered, to you and to Alex. It'll be a tough one, but it will all work out to the best for all concerned. Goes double for motorists and pedestrians that won't encounter Alex on the road without his glasses. winking2

That comes as close to a "praying hands" gremlin. Today is his birthday. I tried calling his cell late last night but he didn't pick up. Without being able to see TV or read, maybe he turned the thing off and went to bed.

Lillibet,

Alex just called. He says that he believes that those TV ads about eye training might work because he is learning to drive with only one lens.

He is driving to Huntsville tomorrow (STAY OFF I-75 EVERYONE) and will be here to get an eye exam, order glasses, get his car fixed, visit our friend David for a hair cut, and we can have a birthday celebration for him and our daughter whose birthday is January 25th.

I won't say all's well that ends well until he is safely through the mountains in this terrible weather and here under "Mama's wings," but by golly, I think one day maybe I might, just might be able to think he will be able to grow up enough to care for me if I reach old age!!!!

Kathy

Kathy, Alex doesn't need glasses, he needs to join the French Foreign Legion.

I don't say that lightly. My son, Sean, has Aspebergers Syndrome. I've seen this glasses problem, or one very similar to it, a hundred times. At some point, we parents have to be able to look our wonderful children in the eye and say, "Son (or Daughter), how are you going to fix this."

I suggest the French Foreign Legion because, if the old movies are correct, he will be stationed in the deepest part of the Sahara without phones, and with some sadistic but kind hearted Sargent who will teach him to solve his own problems while being shot at by Bedouins. From personal experience, the first time unfriendly person shoots at you the spigot of common sense opens up. And being far away, you will never know what he decides to do.

I hope you will do this because I have never been able to do it with my son. I know that telling him to solve his problem is the most compassionate and loving thing to do. I am going to die someday and I don't want him hauling my decayed corpse out of a coffin every 2 or 3 weeks to fix his problems. If he doesn't have his dad or mother to haul his butt out of a problem he will find his own solutions.

If you do manage to do it. Tell me how.

Frank, If I hadn't given birth to my son, I'd swear that your son and my son were twins separated at birth.

As I was at the eye doctor office today, I asked the owner if parents ever are able to cut their children loose and she replied that her son is 38 and she is still "helping him out."

How is one diagnosed with Aspebergers Syndrome? Are some with this syndrome highly functional? Is there a treatment? My friend Patsy swears that her husband (who was a Col. in the Army) has Asperbergers Syndrome. Patsy says he husband has no social skills. My son has friends and family who will lay down their lives for my son. When my son returned from a trip and landed at the Atlanta Airport, he took MARTA to it's Smyrna stop and then he walked from the MARTA drop off MILES and MILES and MILES and MILES to his apartment, carrying a suitcase because he didn't think or know how to call a taxi. His friends were astonished......One day I'm going to drive the route to see how very far he actually walked.

I don't even think the French Foreign Legion would help. I have decided upon your advice, however, to have my body cremated upon my death.



He eventually made it home unharmed. He even said he thought the exercise was good for him.

Well, I'm not too sure that the French, or any legion, would take my eyes, no matter who's body they might be attached to.

That includes Superman's body, BTW.

But, as always, I could be wrong.

In any event, there are times, and there are times.

Look at it this way, if it weren't the glasses, it'd be something.

Now, the question is whether or not he's being smart driving, particularly if there is something so wrong with his powers of observation related to driving, that is.

I don't know about Asperger's, or even if that is a valid diagnosis for what Alex has going on. Most people that survive without being diagnosed as having something wrong, but make it to adulthood, likely have something, but likely not something as serious as Aspergers. Then again, we've not even know what Asperger's is until a decade or so, ago.

Yet that is all beside the point. The point is, he needs glasses. No matter what the TeeVee ads say, those programs require a schedule that must be kept inviolate. That means no days off, and no hours missed.

Even then, success is not guaranteed. Improvement is possible, but most people with serious astigmatism and myopia just are structured so as to require glasses to focus a beam of light where the human lens would otherwise make the light land. Throw in serious astigmatism, and even contact lenses aren't on the menu.

I know this.

Hoo boy do I know this.

So, perhaps the answer isn't the matter immediately at hand. The problem is filthy lucre. As in not enough of it.

You could urge he follow my earlier advice of working in the serf class in a state that prides its Congresscritters (aka Michelle Bachman (R,MN)), or encourage him to get a job mowing lawns come spring -- which is around the corner for you Southern types.

Oh, right.

Initial capital infusion required for equipment.

Push mowers are cheap, and ecological.

Mickey D's is always hiring.

Two plus two...

In any event, there also must be something, or some thing (?) that he could do to earn cash.

At least he's got some sort of hope for insurance coverage for glasses. Or, put more directly, talk to me in a month or two, when I'll be biting the bullet to find an opthamologist, and oculist in Chicago. Both of mine died during my Minnesota Meanderings.

So, no real advice here, except to perhaps keep Alex away from warmongering legions of Froggies, many times far too overused for warmongering to benefit the few at the expense of the many.

And with that, I must say, "good night and good luck."

Say goodnight Edward...

...

Good night Edward...

Well that pretty much says it all.

By the way, Bill Gates has been rumored to have Aspberger's Syndrome. It is a obstacle to be overcome.

quote:

Originally posted by Darbe:
By the way, Bill Gates has been rumored to have Aspberger's Syndrome. It is a obstacle to be overcome.

And here I was thinking he's just a demented, evil genius type. Yesterday I was on the verge of proving it too, right after WORD went 'bye-bye' and crashed the computer 14 times.

Then it worked, and I suddenly decided it was just bad programming.